February 2025 Newsletter

The last time I wrote to you I spoke about my desire to create more spaciousness by taking a step back from social media, and I found myself reflecting on what I am working on increasing my capacity for. Turns out, the answer has come in loud and clear over the past few weeks. This. I am increasing my capacity for this. 

For holding those who are suffering with care and compassion as they speak their fears, frustrations, and grief. To be in deep resonance with the people I serve and to hold it the best I can. To witness what’s unfolding and stay as grounded as possible. 

It’s not easy to be feeling a lot of the same things my clients are experiencing - helping people navigate these chaotic times while also trying to navigate them myself is complex to say the least. And, it’s a gift, an honor, and my sacred responsibility to do it. It's the most important thing I think I could be doing right now. I believe that my soul chose to be here at this particular moment in time for a reason. Sometimes it feels like I’m helpless and not making a difference, and other times it feels like I’m doing exactly what I’m meant to just by holding space. Being a healer in chaotic times is a wild ride. 

Lessons around balance have come through with clarity over these weeks for both myself and the people I serve. In my therapy practice and in my psychedelic work, balance and duality are common themes. One of the things I love about psychedelic work is that it helps us hold the idea of paradox. Meaning that multiple things, sometimes seemingly opposite things, can be true at one time. In your personal healing work, that might mean that you can hold many truths about your lived experience at one time. For example, maybe your parents loved you and were good people, and also their actions harmed you. Both can coexist. Maybe you’re sad about a breakup and also you know it’s the best thing for you. Both can coexist. When we look at how to navigate the current state of the world, it feels like holding multiple truths is essential. The world can feel like it’s on fire and you can still spend time with and support people you care about. You can grieve and ache and rage and also make space for joy and connection. You can be informed without constantly being bombarded by news. For me, I experience a big sigh of relief when I can shift away from the need to choose one over the other and allow myself to experience the full range of what’s here. 

I’m not sure if we can find a perfect balance or if such a thing exists, but I would like to share a bit about what’s been helpful for me, as well as some things you can do to take care of yourself when the world feels like a lot. Whether you’re holding space for people or not, taking care of and being kind to yourself and others is a revolutionary act. 

Here are some things to think about as you navigate *gestures wildly to everything around*:

•  Stay off your phone/social media as much as possible, and check in with yourself when you’re on it. If you’re feeling activated, it’s important to set it down and take a break. 
• Know that news headlines and posts are designed to polarize and to scare you, so you’ll keep reading and scrolling. If you want to stay informed, try going to the original source or finding an information source that’s as unbiased as possible. That doesn’t mean the content won’t be scary or activating, but it means you get to intentionally choose how, when, and where to intake information. (Social media is typically not your best news source)
• Lean on your community, and support your community. Remember that you are not alone. Call a friend when you’re having a tough time, and also when you have space to support. Share challenges and also share encouragement with people in your life who need it. Isolation is not the answer.
• Move your body. Movement is medicine, endorphins are medicine, feeling strong in your body is medicine. 
• Go for a walk (yes, even when it's freezing). Getting some fresh air is good for your body and soul. Not only that, but changing your temperature is a quick and easy practice to get you out of your head and into your body. You can do this by taking that chilly walk, or turning your shower cold for the last minute, or running your hands under warm water throughout the day. 
• Control what you can. Make calls to your representatives, donate to causes you care about, take action where you’re able to, and then take a break. There’s a difference between being informed and taking action, and rumination. Do what you can, and also know that you can’t do everything all at once. 
• Identify your values and put them front and center. You get to decide how you show up - when you know what your values are, you can use that information to decide how you want to move through the world. Operating from this place can provide you with solid guidance when things feel like a lot. If you want to explore your values, I created a free exercise here. 
• Remember to find moments of creativity and joy. Especially if you are doing any kind of healing or advocacy work, please please remember to make space for joy and celebration. Make art, celebrate your friends, do things that are fun so that you can remember to hold hope. 
• Orient to time, energy, and capacity as resources. You have a finite amount of each, and you get to decide how to spend them. How do you want to spend your time? You will spend it either way, whether consciously or unconsciously. My encouragement to you is to be conscious and decide how you want to be using your time throughout the day, rather than getting lost in your phone. Similarly, energy and capacity are resources. You only have so much, so where do you want to put it? This could be as simple as checking in with yourself before making plans, or creating a (realistic) priority list for yourself each day. 

As I reflect on my values, something else I’ve been sitting with is the notion of compassion. I’ve been reading Pema Chodron’s “The Places that Scare You”, and a great deal of this book is focused on compassion practices. It has me thinking about what compassion actually is and how to bring it forth in my life and my relationships. Let me be clear - compassion is not a passive or weak thing. It's actually an active practice. It is not “kindness no matter what”, it is not permission, nor is it taking on the feelings of others. Compassion is, at its core, a desire for others not to suffer, and it must also include ourselves. Compassion can exist alongside anger, grief, action and boundaries; holding multiple truths at once. In relationships, this means that you can hold someone with compassion and also remove yourself from a harmful situation. You can sincerely hope that someone else is not suffering, and also be angry with them. 

When I keep compassion at the front of my mind, it means I can hold those I serve with kindness and presence, in hopes of relieving their suffering in whatever way I can. It also means that I can be working on doing the same for people who I don’t understand or see eye-to-eye with. For me, compassion can apply across the board. It can help me navigate all of my relationships including the ones that feel easy and (especially) the ones that challenge me. 

As I was writing this, I looked up the antonym for compassion. Many words came up, but two stood out to me the most: hard-heartedness and indifference. I had to sit with that for a moment: the opposite of compassion is indifference. It’s closing our hearts and putting blinders on. And that fits, right? If we’re not actively desiring a lack of suffering for others, our feelings can so easily lead us to “that’s not my problem”. I’m bringing you down this compassion rabbit hole with me because as I see it, it fits into the idea of seeking balance and holding multiple truths at once. 

Yes, things feel like a lot - there's nothing happening in our country and the world right now that feels like “not our problem”. And, holding ourselves with compassion means taking breaks, finding joy, and figuring out (and honoring) our capacity to take action. 

I don’t have all the answers, but here’s what I know: my capacity is wider when I am rooted in community. My capacity is deeper when I am caring for my body through movement. My capacity is more gentle when I focus on compassion. 

As I reflect on my values, something else I’ve been sitting with is the notion of compassion. I’ve been reading Pema Chodron’s “The Places that Scare You”, and a great deal of this book is focused on compassion practices. It has me thinking about what compassion actually is and how to bring it forth in my life and my relationships. Let me be clear - compassion is not a passive or weak thing. It's actually an active practice. It is not “kindness no matter what”, it is not permission, nor is it taking on the feelings of others. Compassion is, at its core, a desire for others not to suffer, and it must also include ourselves. Compassion can exist alongside anger, grief, action and boundaries; holding multiple truths at once. In relationships, this means that you can hold someone with compassion and also remove yourself from a harmful situation. You can sincerely hope that someone else is not suffering, and also be angry with them. 

When I keep compassion at the front of my mind, it means I can hold those I serve with kindness and presence, in hopes of relieving their suffering in whatever way I can. It also means that I can be working on doing the same for people who I don’t understand or see eye-to-eye with. For me, compassion can apply across the board. It can help me navigate all of my relationships including the ones that feel easy and (especially) the ones that challenge me. 

As I was writing this, I looked up the antonym for compassion. Many words came up, but two stood out to me the most: hard-heartedness and indifference. I had to sit with that for a moment: the opposite of compassion is indifference. It’s closing our hearts and putting blinders on. And that fits, right? If we’re not actively desiring a lack of suffering for others, our feelings can so easily lead us to “that’s not my problem”. I’m bringing you down this compassion rabbit hole with me because as I see it, it fits into the idea of seeking balance and holding multiple truths at once. 

Yes, things feel like a lot - there's nothing happening in our country and the world right now that feels like “not our problem”. And, holding ourselves with compassion means taking breaks, finding joy, and figuring out (and honoring) our capacity to take action. 

 I don’t have all the answers, but here’s what I know: my capacity is wider when I am rooted in community. My capacity is deeper when I am caring for my body through movement. My capacity is more gentle when I focus on compassion. 

I say all this to say: please take care of yourself, and be kind to those you encounter. You can't tell what someone's experience is just by looking at them. Surround yourself with people you care about, connect, be kind to yourself, take breaks, and do what you can.

So - I just said a lot of things to you, and I would love to know how you are too. It's a joy (and a lil dopamine hit) for me when you respond and tell me how this lands with you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for being in connection with me, it really means a lot.

Here are some more things I want to share with you:

Upcoming events at MBW:

Join me for a free information session on Ketamine Assisted Psychotherapy. This is for you if you're feeling curious about psychedelic work and want to know more about how ketamine is used in a therapeutic setting. The webinar will be recorded, so if you can't make it live, register anyways and you'll get the recording!

Quarterly KAP Practitioner Experiential! If you're a provider who wants to learn more and experience KAP in a group setting, please connect with me and you'll be the first to know when registration opens. 

Here are some additional resources and things I'm currently into

Currently reading:

• The Places that Scare You by Pema Chodron
  • To learn how to move through the world with compassion 
• Braiding Sweetgrass by Robin Wall Kimmerer
  • To remember our intricate connection with the land
• Decolonizing Therapy by Jennifer Mullan
  • To reflect on the ways that the medical model of therapy is rooted in colonialism and can cause harm, and how to do it differently
• Onyx Storm by Rebecca Yarros
  • Because sometimes you need to escape into a book and your girl (shamelessly) loves a fantasy series

Here are some additional resources that you may find helpful (or may want to share) while so much is shifting. 

https://www.mygenderiq.com/ - For providers: free intro training on gender affirming care

https://www.eventbrite.com/e/the-trevor-projects-ally-training-tickets-1112506459769?aff=ebdsoporgprofile - For allies: this is last minute, but here’s a training by the Trevor Project on how to be an adult ally for LGBTQ+ youth HAPPENING TOMORROW. The Trevor Project is also partnering with the Maryland Department of Health to offer several free upcoming trainings and events.

https://www.prochoicetherapists.org/ a directory of therapists who support body autonomy, along with resources for people who need abortion services 

https://5calls.org/ an app you can download that makes identifying and calling your representatives easy

Sending you love, compassion, and some deep breaths,

Nicole